Divided we fall
“Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.”
- Marshall B. Rosenberg
Today’s world is full of conflict. In almost every corner of our planet, we are witnessing wars, fights and arguments – over pretty much everything. People seem divided like never before: on a micro scale, within families and friendships; and on a macro scale, within and between communities, states and countries. In recent years, this feeling of division has been amplified through the media, with social media providing a powerful manipulation tool to create and reinforce division at all levels of society.
And whilst so many of us are arguing, our planet is falling apart around us. Our current systems are not sustainable, healthy or desirable. The human race appears to be on a rapid path to extinction.
The division within us
Perhaps the biggest problems of all are created by the division within so many of us. Our modern way of living has led us to lose sight of what it truly means to be human. We have become separated beings: our minds, hearts, bodies and souls have become disconnected and this leads to inner conflict and confusion. We have lost our true sense of self - that inner knowing that I believe we are all born with - and we have lost the ability to trust our intuition.
When we become disconnected in this way, we tend to look outward for the solutions to our problems – from wealth and work to health and relationships. Rather than taking control of our lives, we react to situations and we put the responsibility for our actions, feelings and circumstances down to other people or external factors.
This is known as living ‘at effect’. When we live at effect, we believe that life happens to us rather than from us. People with this outlook tend to blame circumstances or other people for the ‘bad’ things that happen in their lives. They may want to change their situation but don’t believe they are able to do this themselves.
This type of thinking is disempowering and means that so many of us are not living our lives to the fullest. Often, we have a sense that all is not as it could be - a restlessness or a feeling of dissatisfaction with our lives. We may feel low, depressed, irritable or angry without knowing why. For many, this results in ‘numbing down’ activities – distractions from our daily lives, such as excessive consumption of media, alcohol or food. For some, this leads to addiction and destructive behaviours.
Why has this happened?
Humans are naturally tribe creatures. We are an interdependent species that thrives on connection, collaboration and community. But these natural skills have been largely lost in a system that serves to shift us from being interdependent to being dependent. We operate within hierarchical systems that serve the needs of the few at the expense of the many. Consequently, most of our human-made systems for living serve to create and reinforce our dependence on those in charge.
Much of modern society is based upon the principles of competition and moralistic judgement. From a young age, we are taught that we have to compete with others to do well in life. We are taught about success and failure; that there is a right or wrong way to do things. We quickly learn to put our needs aside, either to avoid punishment or to gain approval. Our parents, the schooling system, the government, the media and societal conventions teach us what to think, what to do, what to believe.
Our ability to trust ourselves is eroded and we look outwards for the solutions to our problems. This judgement-based way of living inevitably leads to criticism and blame, which in turn, leads to both outer and inner conflict. We judge and blame others and we judge and blame ourselves. This pattern continues throughout our lives.
Over time, we lose our inner compass; we let go of our dreams and ambitions and end up simply existing rather than flourishing. We surrender our free will and buy into the notion that this is how it is; that we ‘must’, ‘need to’ or ‘should’ do…that we have no choice. We feel resigned to the status quo and powerless to create change – thus continually reinforcing the divided systems in which we live.
So, what can we do?
Although this may all sound pretty ‘doom and gloom’, I believe there is a way forward; a way to create a more harmonious, fair and sustainable society. I’m not talking about a revolution; well, not in the traditional sense. Nor am I talking about protests, campaigning, petitions or lobbying MPs. These types of civil action certainly play an important part in raising awareness and can lead to short-term changes and wins but they rarely provide long-term solutions. They pull our focus towards the problem and this means we are spending a lot of time and energy on what we don’t want; rather than on what we do want. Even worse: by giving our problems so much attention we are actually helping to manifest the very world we don’t want to live in.
I believe it’s time for a different approach. Instead of focusing on all that’s wrong with the world, let’s spend our time and energy envisioning and creating the world we want to see. For me, that is a world of peace, abundance and freedom. This may sound like an impossible dream but it doesn’t have to be. It starts with the individual. An individual shift in awareness: of how we view ourselves and others and why we think, feel and behave the way we do. With this shift, comes the understanding that we all have the power and the resources within us to create the changes we wish to see; and that we are not separate, isolated individuals but connected, integral parts of a greater whole.
It’s time to shake off our historic, divisive conditioning and to reconnect - with ourselves and each other. It’s time to let go of the judgement and blame, to get back in touch with our inner compassionate nature and to fully embrace a big hearted approach to living. From this place of compassionate connectedness, we are able to communicate with empathy, to build trust, to create shared visions and to collaborate in order to bring those visions to life. And so, with each individual shift, we will be one more step along the way to a collective shift away from a world of division and conflict towards one of unity and peace.