Workplace conflict resolution - the ‘giraffe’ way!

How do you handle conflict in the workplace?

And is it serving you well?!

I’ve always hated conflict - and I used to go to all kinds of lengths to avoid it.

By ‘conflict’ I don’t just mean fights and arguments (although those would certainly see me running for the hills!)

I’m referring to any kind of disagreement, criticism or ‘negative feedback’ – in fact, any conversation where I was anticipating being either the receiver or bearer of ‘bad news’.

In my days as a schoolteacher, this caused me all manner of problems – not least during parent-teacher meetings – when I found it almost impossible to tell parents if their child wasn’t ‘meeting expectations’.

In more recent years, as a business owner employing a team of staff and dealing with customers on a regular basis, I developed a whole host of conflict-avoidance strategies – none of which served me (or my business) particularly well.

In fact, they wasted a whole lot of time and money…and resulted in many sleepless nights.

I used to feel secretly ashamed that I wasn’t ‘man’ enough to deal with these tricky conversations myself. But I now realise that was a big part of the problem! I thought I was meant to handle conflict ‘like a man’, which (to my mind) meant firm, strict, even disciplinarian.

But that just wasn’t me.

For a start, I’m a woman.

But more than that: in recent years, I’ve discovered that I’m a highly sensitive person, and with that comes a level of empathy that means I naturally ‘get’ where people are coming from. - I can understand their point of view – and even ‘feel’ their pain.

That made it impossible to ‘take sides’ by coming down in favour of one person over another, or to carry out our HR company’s ‘disciplinary’ policy!

And it also meant I had a hard time saying ‘no’ (even to unreasonable requests from tricky customers.)

The ‘macho’ approach just didn't fit my personality style…and so I would use the only strategy I knew: the ‘ostrich’ approach!

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a useless leader. I ran a successful business, effectively leading a team of wonderful, supportive staff for many years.

And, as long as everybody was happy, everything ran swimmingly.   

I just had no tools or understanding of how to be 'me' and lead effectively in times of conflict.

So, when the shit hit the fan, I would often withdraw and keep my head below the parapet until the problem had either gone away or someone else had dealt with it for me.

And that would probably still be my strategy to this day if I hadn’t discovered nonviolent (aka ‘giraffe’) communication.

Learning to speak ‘Giraffe’ has been a total game-changer for me – both at work and in my personal life.

It’s taught me how to communicate with honesty, strength and compassion, in ways that foster harmony and connection.

And it’s enabled me to lead in a way that is aligned with my values and my personality, whilst maintaining my boundaries and standards.

What’s more, I no longer avoid difficult conversations…unless I’m doing so from a place of considered choice, rather than fear.

Do you struggle to handle difficult conversations at work?

If you’d like to discover how connecting with your 'inner giraffe' can help you to handle difficult conversations in the workplace (and beyond!) then join me in my FREE WORKSHOP, taking place online on Friday 28th February, 12pm-1.15pm.

Find out more here: https://www.bemoregiraffe.com/shop/p/resolvingbusinesscomplaints