Are You a Social Media Jackal or Giraffe?!
A few days ago, I read a friend’s Facebook post and it really triggered me. I was quite shocked at what she posted – especially since what she’d written was contrary to what she’d told me only a few weeks before. As I read those words, outrage exploded inside me. I wanted to respond immediately, to put across my point of view, to express my hurt at what she’d shared.
Thankfully, I’ve learned from previous impulsive (and usually regretted) posts that responding from my triggered state is rarely a wise decision…and so this time I held back. I had enough self-awareness in that moment to know that to comment in ‘jackal mode’ would only drive a wedge between us and likely elicit a jackal tirade from her friends, judging by the comments beneath her original post. I knew that this would not be a life-enriching experience for any of us and so I closed my phone and brought myself back into the room.
Then, I put on my giraffe ears and gave myself a big dose of self-empathy. I listened to my jackals, let the jackal thoughts and emotions flow through my body and had a full-on jackal rant (swore, shouted, gnashed my teeth and stomped about a bit – think ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ and you’ll get the picture).
Once I’d got the hurt and frustration out of my system, I took some deep breaths and re-centred myself. I reflected on what she’d written and I asked myself what I was telling myself about my friend and all the other people who agreed with what she’d posted – what assumptions and judgements was I making?
As I did this, I paid attention to the feelings in my body and continued to breathe deeply and steadily. From this place, I was able to connect with my unmet needs. After a while, I realised that I was feeling this way because I have deep needs for understanding, for support, for freedom, for autonomy, for consideration, for trust. These are all needs that have repeatedly gone unmet over the past 20 months – hence my amplified emotional response to this latest trigger.
Only after I’d gone through this process a number of times was I ready to return to the post and give some empathy to her. When I re-read those words and the comments below from other friends who supported her post, I felt a shift. I no longer felt angry, indignant, hurt, outraged. Instead, I felt compassion. I could understand the frustration and the desperation in their words. I could relate to their unmet needs and I could see that they were the same unmet needs as my own. They just have a very different way of going about trying to meet them.
Have I responded to the post? Not yet. I may respond; I may just let it go. I haven’t yet decided.
If I let it go, it will be out of choice – the choice to spend my time and focus my attention on something more compelling, rather than out of fear of judgement (a fear that has often silenced me in the past).
If I choose to respond, I will do it from my giraffe heart, with the aim of compassionate connection - not in order to prove her wrong or to try to get her to change her opinions.
This does not come naturally to me. I’ve been in jackal bootcamp all my life and I’m still very much wearing my giraffe stabilisers. But I feel so certain that compassionate connection is the key to transforming so much of what’s wrong in our world that I believe it’s worth every ounce of effort I can muster.