When did everyone get so damn perfect?!

(A jackally rant)

A few days ago, I made a mistake. I misjudged another driver’s speed, and I pulled out in front of him at a junction.

I was turning left onto a long hill and when I looked to my right, the car’s headlights were at the bottom, some distance away.

Well, he was clearly driving over the speed limit (in fact, although I can’t prove it, I could’ve sworn he accelerated towards me) but still, my bad, I should have waited until he’d gone past before pulling out into the road.

From the reaction of the driver, you’d have thought I’d just kidnapped his mother.

He came hurtling up behind me, horn beeping, lights flashing, gesturing wildly and swearing loudly.

The beeping, swearing, flashing and gesticulating continued for several minutes after my ‘infraction’, and for the next ten minutes, he drove dangerously close, even following me into a petrol station when I decided to pull over to get out of his way. (I drove off as he got out of his car so I have no idea whether his intention was to give me a piece of his mind, buy a late night snack or fill up with petrol.)

Although, thankfully, nothing actually happened (no crash, no emergency stop, no physical attack) I was left feeling pretty shaken up by the whole incident. To be on the receiving end of that level of wrath and loathing for a genuine mistake was pretty distressing. Especially as I was on my own, driving along dark country lanes with no other cars around.

I know road rage is a well-documented phenomenon. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve experienced similar behaviour from another driver. And I’d be lying if I said I’ve never succumbed to the occasional bout of frustration or anger behind the wheel of my own car!

But there was something about the disproportionate level of anger, hurtling in my direction, that I found very unsettling. It’s left me wondering, ‘Is there no room for genuine human error anymore?’

Why is it that people so often seem quick to criticise, blame and attack when another human makes a mistake? What happened to understanding, compassion and forgiveness?

And when did everyone else get so damn perfect?!

I see it all the time on social media:

Photos of cars parked ‘badly’ with hundreds of laughing emojis and comments berating the drivers’ less-than-perfect parking skills.

Car accident scenes followed by a whole host of insults and judgements about the ‘stupidity’ of the drivers and how it ‘serves them right’ for driving too fast / too carelessly / a BMW!

And car-related ‘blunders’ are just the tip of the iceberg.

Scrolling through social media, I found a whole host of posts about the alleged ‘stupidity’ or ‘selfishness’ of others:

Photos of commuters falling asleep on the train…or eating too loudly…or taking up more than one seat.

Posts about neighbours whose trees are too tall…fences are too short…or kids are too feral.

And unkind remarks about celebrities’ fashion choices, relationships, finances or their physical appearances (too old, too fat, too thin, too ugly, too attractive).

I could go on.

‘So what?’ you may be thinking. ‘Isn’t it just a bit of ‘harmless’ fun? A chance to bond over other people’s quirks or mishaps in the name of humour?’

Whilst I don’t doubt that collective bonding plays a part in this trend for online public shaming, I certainly don’t think it’s harmless.  

For a start, I don’t expect it feels particularly funny to those on the receiving end of the mocking and sneering. This public condemnation seems akin to the stocks of medieval times.  And public humiliation can cut us very deep - psychologically triggering strong emotions of fear and shame; the fear of being cast out from our communities.

Which, let’s face it, is likely to ruin your day - if not your week…and it can certainly make a dent in a person’s self-esteem.

But if that isn’t reason enough to reconsider the next time your finger hovers over the laugh emoji at some other poor sod’s misfortune, let’s consider the larger consequences at play here.

I believe this type of herd mentality is contributing to something far more pervasive than the individual’s embarrassment.

It’s normalising a judgement and blame culture. It’s reinforcing right and wrong; them and us thinking.

And it’s also normalising perfectionism.

It’s embedding the collective belief that it’s not ok to make mistakes. We’re not allowed to muck up, to fail, to have a bad day. Because if we do, we risk being criticised, laughed at, raged at, and even cast out of the social network.

it’s reinforcing the message that we all have to work harder, faster, try more, do more, aim higher, BE BETTER. And if we ‘fail’ we are bad, wrong, stupid, unworthy - and therefore deserving of the scathing judgement and condemnation of others.

Some people may think that I’m making a fuss about nothing - that the above examples are all fairly low level, inconsequential acts in the grand scheme of things, - that there are more important issues to be worrying about.

I agree. There are bigger, graver issues to be worrying about. (Domestic violence, misogyny, gun crimes and wars to name but a few.)

But that’s precisely why we need to be seriously considering the impact of our day-to-day words and behaviours.

Because these lower level mini-aggressions form the fertile conditions within which the more serious violent behaviours are able to flourish.

They’re feeding into an online culture that’s normalising a level of hatred and vitriol that I find deeply disturbing.

An online world saturated with stories of people injured or killed due to unfortunate accidents or moments of impaired judgement. Amongst them, many children and teenagers - lives cut tragically short.

And in the comments beneath them: hundreds of mocking remarks, condemning them as stupid and saying they got what they deserved.

This is not ok.

As adults, we should be protecting and supporting our young people, not setting them up to fail and then laughing when some of them inevitably do.

And I firmly believe this level of compassion should extend to all our fellow humans - no matter what their age, race, gender, religion or IQ level.

So where do we go from here? Is it all too late? Have we already slid too far down the slippery slope towards the dystopian world of ‘The Hunger Games’?

Maybe we have.

But that doesn’t mean there’s no turning back.

I certainly haven’t given up on humanity yet.

And I hope, if you’ve read this far, that you haven’t either.